Amy Winehouse’s Skanking May Cost her £3m

Bananaphone Express was in Duress.

April 29th, 2008 Posted in Celebrities, Scandal

It seems as though Amy Winehouse’s imprisoned hubby Blake something-something is none too happy about his drug queen whoring it up (”Heidi Klum naked, Heidi Klum naked, Heidi Klum naked”) and is demanding a £3 million divorce payout, which breaks down to £250,000 for every month they were married, including the months Blake has spent protecting his bunghole from pillaging, The Sun says:

SINGER AMY WINEHOUSE’s jailbird husband is demanding a £3million divorce payout as he rages over being dumped. Junkie BLAKE FIELDER-CIVIL, 25, has told his lawyers he wants £250,000 for every month of their year’s marriage, despite being behind bars for part of it. And he fumed to pals after being ditched by the 24-year-old Back to Black singer: “She wouldn’t even be alive if it wasn’t for me.”

Well isn’t that special. A marriage built on a foundation of crack has fallen apart. Who would’ve guessed? I mean, who could’ve predicted that a junkie would mount other men while in a drug haze when her significant other is calculating how many packs of cigarettes he will have to smuggle in his anus to avoid “special time” with Radiator Hose Bob? I think this is how fairy tales are made.

I was going to post a picture of present-day Amy but it turns out that having to look at a picture of that, plus having to envision a naked, cracked-out Amy Winehouse getting plowed was outlawed by the Geneva Convention. So, by law, I had to post a picture of when Amy was still fairly doable.