The Last Brain Cell

Anne Heche Lives in a Carboard Box - Well Soon

I’m not sure if it’s because she is pretty attractive AND used to be a lesbian so she’d be down for some kick-ass threesome action, but I think Anne Heche is smokin’, and I imagine she is an absolute freak in the sack. Anyboob, Ms. Heche is reportedly broke off her ass after her TV show Men in Trees was canceled. People says:

Anne Heche says she can no longer afford to pay the nearly $15,000-a-month in child and spousal support because she’s unemployed after the cancellation of Men In Trees.

“I am continuing to look for work, but I have no offers pending and the impending strike by the Screen Actors Guild reduces my prospects for work even further,” Heche, 38, writes in court papers.

A judge Wednesday gave her a temporary break, saying she didn’t have to pay her next support payment to her ex Coley Laffoon, 34, covering the month of July. But Superior Court Judge Gail Ruderman Feuer ordered the actress to provide updated income and expense information.

Ok, I’ve seen Heche in movie and TV shows on many occasions. In fact, a quick check of her filmography on wikipedia lists 30 different works. I assume she made a nice amount of money over these 30 different works and I would assume that her bank account has a few extra zeros, but, apparently, Anne Heche sucks (ha) with money. Well as the world’s most generous person I would formally like to invite Anne Heche to up residence in my room. The only requirements are the one and only rule she must follow; the mandatory nudity policy upon entrance. Also, there’s only one bed in the room, and with the nudity things could get kinky. And if she could polish my toys that’d be swell. We’re probably going to need something to eat from time to time too, so she’ll have to cook also. And with the cooking and wild sex the house will probably get dirty every now and then, so I guess she should bring her cleaning supplies with her. Work can get stressful too, so I’ll need a massage every night; then there’s card night on Thursday’s with the co-workers so we’re going to need some catering for that; and the ninja clan from the mountains tries to assassinate me every month so she’ll have to pull guard duty….

So again, all she has to do is: nudity, coitus 47 times a week, toy polishing, cook, clean, massage, cater, battle highly trained ninjas, round up my wild buffalo at night, wrestle my pet crocodile Alfred to keep him entertained, wash the elephants, re-shingle the roof every night to protect from alien invaders, be the first person to successfully survive the inside of an EF5 Tornado, give swimming lessons to my lion pride, splice me an atom, harness the sun’s energy so I don’t have to pay the electric company, reconquer the Mongolian Empire in my name, and build me a spaceship that can go faster than the speed of light. I think that’s pretty reasonable.

- Bluto -

Tags: Anne Heche, Child Support, Homeless, Poor