Death tries again - Fails. Morgan Freeman in Hospital.
August 4th, 2008 Posted in Celebrities
After Death successfully attacked Heath Ledger in a sucker punch move, it has now gone after Morgan Freeman in his car. The 71 year old actor was driving along - minding his own business - when Death decided to show up. The epic struggle ended up forcing Freeman off the road on a rural highway, where his car rolled several times (we’re thinking eighty) and left Freeman in serious condition last night. He was transported to the Memphis Tennessee hospital that specializes in beating death.
Authorities have speculated that Freeman may have fallen asleep at the wheel, and have proven that he was not intoxicated, nor were any other vehicles involved. However, we here at Braincell have developed our own theory. Death showed up in his back passenger seat, bugging him and his lady friend who was also in the vehicle about “The Bucket List” and boring him to near death on “what should have happened”. To escape the icy deadliness of the boredom, he heroically swerved his car, causing it to roll several times as planned - tossing Death out and toward somewhere else - but before death went careening into a tree he disabled the air bags in the 1997 vehicle. Although gravely injured, Freeman stepped out of the vehicle, and then beat Death with a set of gold clubs before collapsing, and is likely to make a full recovery.
Death, however, may be in a coma for several weeks, while his cousin ‘Ironic Death’ will be taking his place.
In other news, Mary Kate Olsen has asked for immunity for some unknown reason regarding Heath Ledger’s death. No, really. All the prescription drugs were legally obtained, however authorities, in an apparent bungle of idiocy, have no idea where the late and great Heath ledger got the ‘Rush Limbaugh Special’ (OxyCotin) which was also found in his system. However, for some bat-shit reason, Olsen will not talk to authorities without immunity - her bodyguard arrived before the paramedics if you remember, and the masseuse that found Ledger was also hers, and there may be a connection to some of the medications to her - apparently/maybe/she won’t say without immunity.
We’re calling bullshit - you talk regardless of immunity.
Ashly Olsen (the not totally bat-shit insane one) was last seen with Lance Armstrong, and then some other dude, while probably attempting to get further away from the stigma of being related to Mary Kate. Of course, it remains to be seen which one will prevail.
Tags: Batman, Death, Heath Ledger, Ironic Death, Mary Kate Olsen, Morgan Freeman