These pictures are from yesterday, but in my eternal quest to post every nearly-naked picture of Audrina Patridge that barnstorms its way onto the interweb, here’s some pictures of Audrina Patridge rocking the absolute hell out of a bikini.  Say what you will about her being on one of the worst shows ever created, but so is Heidi Montag and she still gets treated like she’s more important than a dried-up slug.  Plus, Audrina is about 4,000 times hotter than Heidi Montag, and she’s not dating the world’s biggest douchebag.  So if being absolutely gorgeous and having really large, fake boobs accounts for anything because boobs are awesome even if they are the work of the hands of a delicate genius because dammit that son of a bitch spent many years in school so he could legitimately ogle funbags while doing a make believe Holy Man’s work…. ummmm…… what was I talking about again?  Oh yea, Audrina + my bedroom + camera operated by my Ninja Turles action figures = Academy Awards.

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Photo: Egotastic

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Look, Ron Paul was pretty much the only shot people had.  He scared the establishment, and raised MILLIONS UPON MILLIONS of DOLLARS.  But what happened?  The fickle fucktards who were in it just to get the little bit of glory about “I support Paul” backed out and said “wheee I am a dumbass who doesn’t really care, wheeeeee, wheeeeeee” and went to Obamatard and McFuckaine.

You know what a badass ticket that would own the shit in this country would be?  Paul & Goldwater.  Barry Goldwater’s son that is.  You get Ron Pual and Goldwater Jr. up in that office, and some shit is gonna fly.  You’re going to see assholes fired, policy changed, and a massive reorganized government that is smaller, leaner, and most importantly STAYS THE FUCK OUT OF OUR LIVES.  Or do you like a politician shoving his fist up your uterus or ass (if you’re a man) and telling you what you can and cannot do?

You know how goddamn smart Paul and Goldwater are?  When it comes to abortion - they say it is a states rights issue and the Fed has no say!  That’s right.  Well, sorry, you’re fucked if you live in a shitty state like Mississippi, but if you go north a few states - bingo.  I know half of you are retarded, and I feel sorry for you.  The other half of you are goddamn batshit insane.  I hope you both have a near-constitutional death experience to wake you both up to the fact that the constitution was put in place to LIMIT THE GOD DAMN GOVERNMENT, NOT MAKE THE FUCKING THING BIGGER AND WORSE.

Fuck you people scare me.

“You’re with us, or against us” Fuck you.

“You’re not a patriot if you dissent” Fuck you more.

“How dare you question us in a time of war” Fuck you in the ass with a flagpole.

“Every good American must support our troops, and to do so they must support the illegal invasion of a sovereign nation so our war economy stays strong” Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you, Bring them back, Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you.

“You’re not a patriot - you’re a terrorist for supporting Ron Paul!” Fuck you, and I hope you have a infarcation of the brain.

Save me Raptor Jesus…

This coming just days before his arrest for fondling and underaged girl while being piss drunk.

The Butterfly Community and Human Race frown upon your actions.

If you’re like me, long have you been searching for a girl who is the personification of class and sophistication.  Someone who you could twirl into one of the fancy schmancy balls those “quality people” assholes hold ala George and Kramer.  Well hookers and Johns, our search is over.  Claire Danes is often said to be so classy that a solid diamond monocle will disintegrate in her presence.  And Ms. Danes knows she is Mr. Monopoly in human female form too, look at her up there, with her legs all daring me to stick it in her.  Classy.  Sophisticated.  Timeless.

Question: Who forgot to tell Claire’s boobs to show up for fucking work?  Huh?  They were rejected from the get-go you say?  Well then.  Ashley Dupre still around?

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Photo: The Superficial

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Ya know, for getting a different penis jammed in her every night as a living, Ashley Dupre looks pretty damn good.  I guess you could say that’s because she is “high-class call girl” and not Cavernous Lucy from the side alley.  It has to be a little annoying for her to go to the beach though.  Imagine it, she’s already 80% naked, and every dude on the planet knows she spreads her legs for mucho dinero so I’m guessing she gets propositioned every fourth cabana.  And that is completely understandable.  If I saw Ashlee Dupre out in public in a bikini my actions would result in a call to the National Guard.

NOTE: Bonus gallery of Ashley’s first trip to the beach with her mother.  Imagine that threesome.

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Photo: Hollywood Tuna, The Superficial

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Sienna Miller is still destroying the marriage of Balthazar Getty by letting him play with her boobies while his wife presumably sits at home baking cookies in the nude for this asshole.  In Balthazar’s defense, Sienna looks really, really, really, really, really doable in these pictures.  And she’s half naked.  So how can you possibly expect him to keep his wiener under wraps?  If I was in that position I would get naked so fast I’d create a hurricane off the eastern seaboard.

NOTE: I was going to put these pictures in the NSFW Gallery but then I realized I was really lazy and just put them here.  So, the thumbnails/pictures are NSFW, so make with the minimizing if the boss person strides in.

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Photo: Egotastic

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Because John McCain is a warmongering fucking moron with the economic knowledge of a third grade remedial student, and our country will have as much of a chance as a 9-year-old in John Wayne Gacy’s house if he is elected.  Let’s spend 100 years in Iraq and “Bomb, bomb, bomb” Iran.  That would be fun and wouldn’t piss off the entire Middle East, Russia, China, N. Korea or anyone else.  WWIII with the United States against the entire world would be awesome.  I’ve always wanted to settle the bet with my roommate over would be be vaporized in a nuclear blast first.  That bastard’s PS3 will be mine in no time.

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Rosario Dawson was apparently at some pool contraption the other day and decided to use the local shower to hose herself off, which according to my calculations is the greatest thing ever.  I’m surprised the camera didn’t explode due to size limits that Rosario’s cleavage no doubt destroyed.  My god those boobs are huge.  It reminds me of when I was four years old and I stood on some bums in the back alley to peer into the strip club’s dressing room.  Except replace awesome boobage with getting chased by the police’s K9 unit.  Turns out it’s quite hard to run when your Huggies Big Boy pants are full of feces.

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Photo: The Superficial

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Because she is still the hottest person on the planet (make with the bikinis, Megan Fox), here’s Marisa Miller doing what she does best, being ridiculously gorgeous.

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Photo: Hollywood Tuna

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What in the hell is Nylon magazine?  Anyway, Mischa Barton is in it, and she’s kinda, sorta topless.  And she looks pretty damn good.  Hooray.

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Photo: Egotastic

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