Hot Chick of the Day - Elisha Cuthbert | The Last Brain Cell

Hot Chick of the Day - Elisha Cuthbert

May 6th, 2008 Posted in HCOTD

Ah, Elisha Cuthbert, the gorgeous Girl Next Door who refused to show her magnificent body in all its naked glory, but let’s not focus on that travesty of humanity. Instead, let’s focus on the yo-yo effect Ms. Cuthbert has been having on my penis over the last couple of years. When I was first introduced to this sexy vixen it seemed as though that she was all that was good and great on this green Earth. She was unbelievably hot in the Girl Next Door and had some quality teasing scenes. Of course these teasing scene ended up being ultimately traumatic as they did not evolve into awesome boob action, and may have lead to my eye cancer (apparently you’re not supposed to press your face against the TV). I personally believe that this movie was mostly ad-libbed and we had a very real opportunity to see Ms. Cuthbert in her good-time party outfit, but Emile Hirsch was unable to close the deal. Sure he got “laid” in a limo at the end of the movie, but did anyone else notice that Elisha’s boobies were kept under cover? Clearly they faked that sex scene, which is why The Girl Next Door was not invited to the Academy Awards. Naked Elisha Cuthbert sex scene = Academy Award for Best Picture…. Emile Hirsch trying not to bust a nut while Elisha dry humps him = sitting next to Rob Schneider at the Golden Raspberry Awards (as you may remember I used that reference in any earlier post, and I shall continue to do so when referring to a bad movie, because Rob Schneider is just awful, and not that The Girl Next Door was a bad movie, it was not, it was just an asshole for all the teasing).

Anyway, back to the yo-yo effect. Ms. Cuthbert burst onto my scene with all the sexy subtlety of a Tsunami in Sri Lanka and it was a wondrous, magical time for my penis. Then for reasons unknown Elisha decided to get a butch lesbian haircut and for many moons my penis was confused. He stayed up late at night, looking out the window with a blank stare in his eye wondering, why God? Why would you do this to me? He was still certain that he would plow the hell out of Elisha’s lady-hole, but was also certain he have to make a run for it immediately post-coitus for fear of having to endure a lecture on the modern-day ethos of the Feminist Movement (I’m sorry, but Feminism just doesn’t hold as much water as it did in the late-18th, early-19th century). But for the benefit of all mankind, Elisha has once again proven her unquestionable hotness by busting out this latest Maxim spread, in which she looks absolutely freakin’ gorgeous. So praise be to the godly genes that Elisha carries and praise be to the genius who brainstormed that photoshoot.

That rant is entirely way too long to proofread. Laziness is a cruel mistress.

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