Pete Doherty Tunnels Out of Jail

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May 2nd, 2008 Posted in Celebrities, Scandal

Pete Doherty, who will one day challenge cockroaches for world supremacy after the bombs drop, was recently sentenced to 14-weeks in jail after failing orders to take drug tests while on a suspended sentence for, what else, making sweet love to the white China. Using the innate innovation abilities that drug addicts seem to have, Pete used his skills to Shawshank Redemption-his way out of jail, and…… wait…… no, no I guess he was just released after 29 days; seems reasonable. The Sun confounds:

PETE DOHERTY is to go free on Tuesday — after just 29 days of his 14-week jail term and DESPITE taking heroin behind bars.

The Sun revealed last month how BABYSHAMBLES frontman Doherty, 29, was shooting up in the DETOX unit of London’s Wormwood Scrubs.

But he is being released as soon as possible. His sentence has been halved and a further 18 days deducted as part of a scheme introduced last summer to ease jail overcrowding.

On top of that he gets another two days off because of time in police custody.

So law enforcement in the U.K. is just as effective against celebrities as law enforcement in Hollywood then? I’m pretty sure that if I got caught shooting heroin and then refused to take required drug tests I’d still be doing slave-labor IN China. Then, after I eventually sewed a Nike sole to my hand I would be replaced by a newborn and sent to the body farm, where I would be privileged enough to go through plastination and would get to tour the world with the Body World exhibition, hooray!